Sunday, June 03, 2007

Another hotel ... another story ...

It was suggested to me here that I could lean out of the bathroom window to smoke while I was away last week.

But I've had bad experiences in that area that have left permanent psychological scars.

A few years ago, we were in Bristol where G was running in a half marathon.
No smoking anywhere in the hotel.
But no one will be any the wiser if I just slip into the bathroom, I thought ...

A few puffs in ...
... fire alarm shrieks.

It's me, I think in horror.
I must have activated a smoke alarm ...

'It's ok,' I tell G and the kids.
'It's a ... er ... false alarm.'

A few minutes later, there's frantic knocking on our door.
'Evacuate the hotel!' a voice yells. 'There's a fire alarm.'

What can we do?
I can't tell him the 'fire' was less than a centimetre in cirumference and had been dangling from my lips a few minutes earlier.

So outside we go to join all the other disgruntled guests, workers etc huddled in the car park.
I shrink away to the periphery, casting guilty glances all round.
Can anyone tell?
Will they smell the smoke on me?
What will they do to me if they find out???

I spot a woman I'd met earlier and sidle over to her.
'This is a drag,' I say, twisting my features into a rictus grin.
'OMG,' she replies.
'It was me!
It was all my fault.
I'd sneaked into the bathroom for a crafty smoke and it set the alarms off!'

8 comments:

Verilion said...

Now what idiot would have suggested you smoke out the window?!!!

Minx said...

Now repeat after me....
"Some idiot set of the fire alarms. Smoking? Filthy habit. Never smoked in my life."

Anonymous said...

There are those who believe smoking contributes to global warming. Isn't it time you quit, taking into account you previous posts about global warming?

Debi said...

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ...

Oh sorry. I'd hate for anyone to think I wasn't taking that last comment seriously. Hang on. Just give me a mo to pull myself together ...

Right ...

You see I ... I ...

Hohohohohohohohohohohohohohohoho ...

Nope. Sorry - just can't do it.

Anonymous said...

a very well formulated and intelligent response to a genuine and growing view on smoking and climate change.

Debi said...

Tell you what, anonymous - you come out of the cupboard and into the daylight by identifying yourself and then you can share the info with us all by directing us to your blog.

Minx said...

Debi, you are really not taking this very seriously at all.
I, of course, gave up smoking as soon as I read what anonymous said. I shall not be single handedly responsible for global warming.
I have also given up cooking, using electricity, washing, moving, sex and breathing. It is for the best.

Debi said...

Ah - you forgot farting, my dear Minx. Apparently it's a greater source of emissions than all your list added together.

Needless to say, our whole family takes this very seriously indeed and has sworn to eschew passing wind from henceforth even for ever.

It's an ill wind ...