Tuesday, May 01, 2007

Seeking Retribution

I need your help to devise a suitable punishment for G.
It goes without saying that it needs to be hideously painful, but also it has to leave indelible psychological scarring as a disincentive to future iniquitous transgressions of similar nature.

Although I'm aware that the following will cause inevitable distress, I'm going to give you the details of said heinous sin.

There we were, in the park.

In spite of pleading unsuitable footwear (open toe backless sandals) ...
In spite of pleading irredeemable incompetence ...
In spite of arguing that I had deliberately given birth twice thereby ensuring offspring had lifelong playmates and I'd be able to lie on a rug and stare at the clouds once in a while ...

In spite of all this ...
... I found myself in goal.

As the ball trickled into the gap between the water bottle and a rolled up sweatshirt and between my leaden be-sandalled feet for the umpteenth time, G (my so-called team mate in this torture) called me ...

... a donkey!

Now I know that several times a year, when I'm carrying kit-stuffed bags on each aching shoulder and dangling from every bloodless finger, dodging fitness fascists and tramping from start to finish lines on interminable runs around the country, this appellation could be considered apposite.

But on this particular occasion I took umbrage.

So help me out here.
What do you suggest would be appropriate revenge?


6 comments:

Minx said...

Debi, although I have full sympathy, and will come to suitable punishments in a minute, I really must point out the rules of life. You gave birth to boys for a reason. Once they are at an age where they do not fall backwards over a ball (3+) then there are entirely in the hands of the father, or any other ball playing bloke. This is not your territory. The answer is always 'No'.
Right, punishment. These have all worked for various misdemeanours....
1. No sex
2. No washing done (for him).
3. No sex
4. Underpants out the window
5. No sex
6. Yoghurt in socks
7. Pins in bed
8. Brussels Sprouts for tea every day for a week
9. No sex
10. Walked on in 6 inch heels (oh no, they like that one!)

Don't forget donkeys kick and hold grudges for weeks.

Verilion said...

Debi, I too can feel your pain and I tried and tried to think of suitable retribution and then I thought: HANG ON THIS IS FOOTBALL. Now get your lucky red knickers on and root for the reds tonight.

mmm... sorry (slinks away silently....)

Shameless said...

Debi, oh, now punishments, well, um, you know that donkeys are supposed to be, you know, so why not buy one, if that exists in shops, put it on, make funny noises, be stubbbbbbbborn, chew some hay in front of the telly and grunt when questions are asked! :) help? oh dear!

Ischelle said...

you are way too wonderful.

granny p said...

Put him in goal himself.
And then in the washing-machine. Meantime change your boys for girls.. and make him sit through one of the Barbie films. That'll learn him,

Cailleach said...

Never saw a donkey in goals meself... where he's from?