Friday, September 12, 2008

Yesterday ...

3.30pm
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Hiya
G: Where are you?
Me: Went to see A. On bus crossing Battersea Bridge.
G: You know I asked you to fix the lock on the front door this morning ...
Me: I did! I screwed it back in ...
G: Well I can't get in. The key's just turning ...
Me: Oh. Bollocks. You'll have to force the door ...

4.00pm
Ring ... ring ...
G: What?
Me: Are you in yet?
G: No! Stop driving me mad!
Me: OK. Sorry. Call me when you're in.

5.00pm
Arrive home. No sign of G. A wheelbrace and a heavy-duty spanner are lying outside our battered but defiantly closed door. There's a small pile of sawdust on the floor.
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Where are you?
G: Gone to pick up First Born
Me: His thing starts at 5.00. He won't be out for ages yet ...
G: Oh. OK. On my way home now

5.20pm
Bash ... bang ... crash ...
Door remains stubbornly closed.
Me: If you give me a boost, I think I can get through that open window and onto the top bunk.
Hoist ... lift ... puff ...
Visions of fire brigade coming to extricate my wedged body from window.
Me: Um. Maybe not ...

Bang ... crash ... bash ...
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Oh no, our phone's ringing inside!
G: It's probably FB calling to pick him up
Me: I'll phone the school

Ring ... ring ...
School: The office is now closed until morning ...

Crash ... bash ... bang ...
Neighbour arrives and lets us into his flat to use phone.
G goes to pick up FB (again).
Call emergency repairs.
Ring ... ring ...
Recorded message instructs caller to hang on.
I do.
For 15 mins.

5.50pm
Me: I'm locked out
Them: Oh dear. We'll alert the contractors
Me: Any idea how long they'll be?
Them: Should be there within 2 hrs. Hopefully less. Can you wait outside the block?

6.30pm
Me: Hi! Are you the heroes who are going to get me into my flat?
Contractor 1: Blimey. Look at the state of this door!
Me: Um. Yes. My husband spent a couple of hours trying to force it ...
Contractor 1 exchanges meaningful glances with Contractor 2.
Me: Still - looking on the bright side - it's good to know it's so hard to break in ...
Weak laugh.
Contractors 1 & 2 snarl and grind teeth.

6.50pm
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Hi. I'm in. It took them ages. They had to use every tool in their van. They're fixing the new lock now. Have you got FB yet?
G: No! The school's locked up and there's no one here ...
Me: He's not at his school. He's gone to a local primary school to do some PR
G: He's got swimming club this evening! I'll go to the other school to get him

7.00pm
Contractors still fitting lock and fixing damaged door.
I'm peeling potatoes.
Peeler comes apart in my hands.
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Hi
Meloney: It's Meloney
Me: I know
Mel: How? How do you know?
Me: Cos it comes up on the display thingy ...?
Mel: Wow. That's technology for you
Me: Mmmm. Indeed. So how can I help?
Mel: I was wondering if FB and LG were going swimming tonight
Me: Well, LG isn't cos he's in the Isle of Wight with your Skate Boy and Girly Twin
Mel: Oh yes. That's right ...
Me: And I can't be sure about FB cos he's not home yet. And we've been locked out. There's 2 guys fixing the lock as I speak. And my potato peeler's broken
Mel: Ah. Well. You know what that's about, don't you ...
Me: No. What is it all about?
Mel: It's that particle accelerator, isn't it? Making things happen. It's why you've had all those weird coincidences recently ...
Me: Right. The particle accelerator. So - about the swimming ...
Mel: Oh yes. So - if FB is going, can you bring Super Teen home with you afterwards?
Me: I'll let you know

7.20pm
Ring ... ring ...
Me: The contractors've just gone. Have you got FB yet?
G: No! I went to the other school and it's in darkness!
Me: Where did you go?
G: L school
Me: No! That's not right! It's K school ...
G: I don't know where that is ...
Me: Hang up. I'll look it up and call you back

Flick ... flick ... (Yellow Pages)
Flick ... flick ... (A-Z)

7.25pm
Ring ... ring ...
Me: Right. I've found it. Where are you now?
G: I'm on AP
Me: Let me see ... flick ... flick ... Ah yes. OK. You go to the end of the road, cross over the roundabout ...
G: Oh! Here he is now!

7.35pm
G and FB stagger in through resurrected door complete with lumpy filler embellishments.
Phone Mel.
Bolt food.
Dash out to swimming club.

So, tell me.
Are other people's lives like this?

12 comments:

Sharon J said...

Some days better, some days worse. Gotta dash... supposed to be somewhere in half an hour and not even dressed yet.

SueG said...

Oh my God, what torture. I must admit, life is occassionally like that, but (knock on wood) hasn't been lately. Oh no -- I bet I just jinxed myself. Is this one of those "look-back-and-laugh" things? :)

leslie said...

After an exhausting day of blogging, I just have time to fall onto the chaise, when my adoring husband arrives, (having taken off an hour early from work) carrying a chilled bottle of wine, with two new crystal glasses, one with a new diamond necklace tied to it by a velvet ribbon, for me, and proceeds to have my way with me. The dog politely excuses himself and quietly closes the door behind him, murmuring something about 'a moment to themselves', but I can't hear for the smother of kisses my husband is applying to my ear.
We then eat the gourmet take-home food that hubby has so thoughtfully purchased while he was picking up the milk he knew we'd need for the morning. Then he draws me a bubbly bath and tucks me into the feather comforter while he tidies up the kitchen, and turns out the lights.

Why do you ask?

BarbaraS said...

Oh that's just a normal day here... not the supercollider's fault! ;)

Debi said...

Fancy being so disorganised, Sharon. Tsk tsk.

Sue - mwahahahaha.

Leslie - oh poor you, darling. How dreadful ...

Babs - ah, but can you be sure?

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Oh no - nightmare stuff, that!

Mind you, I did manage to nearly burn down my kitchen on Thursday - leaping flames, black smoke... Does that count?

By the way, what did you have in mind for me to do with all those photos? :-)

Debi said...

Not bad, Ab Van. We followed through with an attempt to flood the bathroom yesterday. One can but try ...

Re photos - not sure except to say they're fab and deserve wider exposure. Ghanaian friend of mine put hers onto some site and gets quite a bit of £££ as well as mega hits on her site. I'm sure there must be a market for yours - both touristy and naturey.

Meloney Lemon said...

I'm surprised you've actually got a front door still. Mine seems to have become a portal to another dimension. Also, on my bike I've noticed several black holes in the road....

Debi said...

Shit, Mel. You've been quantumed ...

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Won't you please ask Ghanaian friend which site she uses. I've looked at a few but am not sure which are okay...
xxx

Sharon J said...

Disorganised? What on earth could you mean? Half an hour's plenty to get unhooked, washed, dressed, down a glass of water and a satsuma, find my car keys, get out of the house and arrive at my destination. Isn't it?

Debi said...

Ab Van - will do. Give me a few days (see Edit Me post!)

Sharon - so tell me then. Was it?