Friday, September 19, 2008

Murder, She Wrote

I need your advice.

I'd be grateful for suggestions for a suitable response to the 17 year old (boy? youth? soon-to-be twitching corpse?) who emailed the following to me:

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the fucking light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME FUCKING CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

8 comments:

leslie said...

I'd cancel his email account, Mom.

Sharon J said...

Well he does have a point. I only know that from how I've seen other women behave... wouldn't dream of behaving that way myself.

Debi said...

Leslie - he's not my child. My own would know better than to risk life and limb with something like this.

Sharon - yes, of course. I too am balanced ... calm ... sweet-natured ...

And the person who sent the email clearly has a death wish.

leslie said...

Well then, if he's not your child, I think murder is in order... :)

It would also make for some good plot material...er...book plot, not allotment plot.

Debi said...

Leslie - we could combine the two and bury him in the plot.
Fictional plotline, compost AND satisfaction.

Result!

pierre l said...

No Debi, you mustn't commit murder on this particular person after what you said. It reminds me of the rather predictable Perry Mason stories where someone was seen by a roomful of people saying "I'll kill you for this" moments before his enemy was found dead. Still, Raymond Burr was a lot slimmer in those days than in his later roles.
If the question was supposed to be a joke, it certainly is in very poor taste.

Debi said...

Ah but, Pierre, I'm hoping that one of my lovely blog friends will take on the role of contract killer and my hands will be clean.

One can but dream ...

leslie said...

I know! We can get Minx to do it...