I'm usually fairly chaste in my blog (though not in my books) but I just couldn't resist sharing this.
It's supposed to be from a gen-u-ine chat forum, but I don't care if it is or not.
It made me laugh ...
ChatZ-STUD: Hello, ChatZ-BABE. What do you look like?
ChatZ-BABE: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini-skirt and high heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I workout every day. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
ChatZ-STUD: I'm 6'3'' and about 250lbs. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought from Primark. I am also wearing an old t-shirt, it's got some tomato sauce stains on it and smells kind of funny.
ChatZ-BABE: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
ChatZ-BABE: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my
nightstand. I look up into your eyes and am smiling. My hand works it way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
ChatZ-STUD: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm moaning softly.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now. Rubbing and pulling.
ChatZ-STUD: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
ChatZ-BABE: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
ChatZ-STUD: I'll pay for it.
ChatZ-BABE: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you have scissors?
ChatZ-BABE: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air carresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
ChatZ-STUD: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm arching my back. Oh baby, I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
ChatZ-BABE: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
ChatZ-STUD: now I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered in snot and phlegm.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm so sorry, really.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm wiping your phlegm of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse and throwing it in to the corner of the room.
ChatZ-BABE: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
ChatZ-BABE: I'm pulling up my mini skirt. Take off my panties.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over you, in and out and nibbling on you. ummm, wait a second.
ChatZ-BABE: What's the matter?
ChatZ-STUD: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
ChatZ-BABE: Are you OK?
ChatZ-STUD: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
ChatZ-BABE: Is there anything I can do to help?
ChatZ-STUD: I'm running into the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
ChatZ-BABE: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
ChatZ-STUD: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
ChatZ-BABE: Come back to me, lover.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm washing the cup now.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm aching for you lover.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. Now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark. I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
ChatZ-BABE: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
ChatZ-STUD: I found it.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
ChatZ-STUD: Me too.
ChatZ-BABE: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.
ChatZ-STUD: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
ChatZ-BABE: Why don't you take your glasses off?
ChatZ-STUD: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm bending over the bed. Give it too me baby!
ChatZ-STUD: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way to the bathroom.
ChatZ-BABE: Hurry back lover.
ChatZ-STUD: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
ChatZ-STUD: I've finished. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-ho!
ChatZ-BABE: What's the matter now?
ChatZ-STUD: I just realised I peed in your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
ChatZ-BABE: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
ChatZ-STUD: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.
ChatZ-BABE: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
ChatZ-STUD: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Umm, I'm having a little problem here.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second. Slide it in! Screw me!
ChatZ-STUD: I'm flaccid.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
ChatZ-STUD: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my willy all floppy. I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
ChatZ-BABE: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
ChatZ-STUD: No, wait. I can't find the bedside table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.
ChatZ-BABE: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
ChatZ-STUD: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on to the curtain! The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.
ChatZ-BABE: Go to hell! I'm logging off. LOSER!
ChatZ-STUD: Now the carpet is on fire! Noooooo!
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