Fundamental design fault - 'Off' switch not included.

Dear Creator,
I am writing to point out a major design fault in your model Homo Sapiens Version I in the hope that you will take my comments into account before launching Version II.
I guess you're already aware of this omission - being omniscient and all that - and although some may argue that the lack of an 'Off' switch is not a fatal flaw, that's precisely my point.
Allow me to elucidate. My dad's 91 and, until recently, was fitter and more active than many people half his age, doing voluntary work twice a week at his local hospital, travelling across London on public transport to play with his grandchildren and running faster than I can (a fact pointed out with embarassing frequency by said grands).
Back in November last year we saw him off at Gatwick Airport on his way to a three month holiday in Portugal. You know he hates the cold and the deals he gets staying half board in a hotel on the sunny Algarve cost little more than if he stayed in Blighty buying his own food and keeping his heating on.
He sent me 22 letters while he was away, his self-deprecating and surreal humour having me laugh aloud while I smiled over the pressed flowers that fell from the pages.
He nearly made it, didn't he? But then, exactly a week before he was due to fly home, he had a major heart attack. He'd been in two different hospitals and endured two emergency stent operations before I even knew. The Foreign Office say they tried to contact me, but they can't have tried too hard, can they? Not only is there always someone here before 9.00am and after 6.00pm (as well as often during the day) but also my mobile number is on our answering machine. Nevertheless I knew nothing until four days later when the cops knocked on my door that grim evening in mid February.
To cut a long story square (as dad would say) over the following couple of months he was discharged from hospital there, endured a nightmare journey home, 3 weeks in Barnet hospital, a bout of pneumonia and a spell in a rehab unit. Having survived that lot, he prepared for what appeared at the time to be a triumphant return home.
But there is no triumph, is there? He's not coping. He's frail and fearful. In fact, it would be fair to say, he seems like a 91 year old. Having attained such a great age in relatively fine fettle, he thought that when his time came he'd be able to slip away peacefully with minimal fuss. What he didn't think was that he was still going to have to do the helpless geriatric bit.
Watching him totter, struggle for breath, deal with loss of memory, panic attacks and depression is what brings me back to my original point. When someone has led such a full and active life, loved, admired and respected by all who know him and an inspiration to all those who fear the cumulative effects of age, I fail to understand the glaring omission of an 'Off' switch.
I recognise such apparatus could be open to abuse, but I'm sure you could find a way round those possibilities, being omnipotent. Some might argue the apparatus is already in place - it's called euthanasia or suicide. Or murder. But would you not agree a simple self-operated switch would perform the job better and without the terrible trauma involved? Never mind the bureaucracy ...
Anyway, thanks for your time. I look forward to your response.
Love, Debi

This one's not a rant ... it's not even a whinge ...

Just to show I know how to have a good time, check out what's been happening the last few days ...
After school on Friday Joe and Jacob together with their friends Arthur and Thomas took part in the Swimathon, swimming 5000 metres (200 lengths) between them. Way to go, Electric Eels II. Brilliant achievement!
Then on Saturday, Arthur and Thomas were well and truly in the spotlight when they took part in Felix's School of Rock at the Hobgoblin. Seriously impressive guys! When we see you in 10 years time on tv, we'll think back to the first time we saw you on stage and how great you all were.
Then, after a quick stint for J&J at Tae Kwon Do, I prepared to go out. Yes! You read that right. Saturday night and I was GOING OUT! See? I too have a social life ... even if it does only manifest itself once a decade ... Anyway, me mate Steve (from East Dulwich Writers' Group) had a gig with his band B Movie at the Metro in Oxford Street. Nice one, Steve. Keep us informed re further developments. As for me - two gigs in one day??? Rock 'n' Roll!
Sunday was the Big One really though, when we picked my dad up from hospital and took him home - something that had looked very unlikely to ever happen only a couple of weeks ago. A big thank you to all the wonderful staff on Ruby Ward at Edgware Community Hospital. I'd been appalled when the old Edgware General was shut down, but I was s-o-o impressed by what Edgware had to offer - lovely surroundings, well equipped (you should see the patients' lounge) and warm and caring staff meant that dad had to an opportunity to convalesce after being discharged from Barnet before having to cope at home alone. Now if only places like this were available in addition to local general hospitals, we'd be getting somewhere ...

Mast Victory?

Good news! The council planning committee has rejected the application to put a new mobile mast up near my kids' school. (See previous post.) Having two local councillors speak on behalf of the campaign and enjoying the support of local MP Tessa Jowell must certainly have helped. This is a victory for local people - 600 of whom signed the petition.
But (you knew there was going to be a 'but', didn't you?) it was rubbing salt into the chip on my shoulder when I saw a copy of the original application. My block of flats was specifically mentioned as not being available for any new installation as there's one there already! Yet that one went up without so much as a whisper of protest. It seems some people have more rights than others. Or maybe they just have the best tactics ...
I should emphasise that as a mobile user I'm aware that I need the masts as much as anyone and know they have to go SOMEWHERE. But as I understand it, these particular installations are to enable people to use their mobiles to send video clips. How essential is that? Sufficiently to justify possible damage to health? Maybe they're safe. Maybe these new ones are no more dangerous than the old ones. Maybe simply using a mobile in the first place is unsafe. But surely no one could argue that the research (independent research - not done by anyone who has a stake in the outcome) should come FIRST ...
Meanwhile I'm left to fictional ways to fix my angst. In Me John and a Bomb, Jen and co do a great job of sabotaging a mast on top of a tower block. Go, Jen!

Schools fools

So my son has got into the secondary school of his choice. It's the largest comprehensive in the borough and was previously a failing school with a very bad reputation for bullying and violence. Since then, as a result of a highly dedicated and committed staff team, £28 million injection of cash, fabulous new architecture and state-of-the-art resources, it's substantially turned around with steadily improving results.
If only perceptions could be changed as effectively. The major problem the school still faces is persuading other people in the community to accept the improvement. The school's lingering reputation is partly the result of latent racism on behalf of some parents. (The school has more black kids than white and more boys than girls.) It's also a matter of mud sticking. Whatever the cause, many people wouldn't dream of placing it high on their list and the school is one of the least over-subscribed, so that often the kids that do go there go because they didn't get the schools they did choose.
Most other parents were supportive of our decision to place this school top of our list. But there have been those who roll their eyes in disbelief that we chose to embrace the inevitable (whatever school we chose, we knew this would be the one he would be sent to. We also wanted to ensure our son knew we were backing his choice.) I really don't need people to look at me like I'm sending my son to Death Row, thank you very much.
What Joe has had to put up with from his peers is a lot worse. Some well-meaning souls look at him with sympathy, and murmur condolences along the lines of 'Oh you poor thing. I'm sorry for you. Hope you don't get stabbed.'. ('They're just stupid,' says my wonderful first-born. 'Believing everything they hear. And they're scared too cos they know they couldn't handle it.') Others ... well, can you believe there are kids who are prancing round the playground chanting, 'We're private. You're state.'???
Aforementioned wonderful first-born spent the whole weekend drawing a poster of the school's emblem with its name underneath and the words 'My School' underlined. In the corner he's written 'I don't care what other people think.' That's my boy!

What kind of parent ...

Can you imagine your eleven year old doing something so bad you would throw them out of the house? Indefinitely? On a freezing day in the middle of winter? Without a coat? And when they phone late afternoon, you refuse to come to the phone but get their five year old sister to tell them mum doesn't want to speak to them and no, they can't come home?
I can't. I've wracked my brain for situations in which I might feel forced to take that kind of action and I've come up totally empty. There is nothing - literally nothing - I can think of that my children could do to justify that response. No crime so heinous, no rudeness so extreme, no deceipt so twisted that I would absolve myself from all responsibility for them, their welfare and future and chuck them out on the street to fend for themselves. I couldn't do it for an hour, let alone a whole day. A whole winter's day. Without a coat.
But that's what happened to a local boy I know. A phone call from a neighbour threatening to call Social Services eventually persuaded his mother - albeit reluctantly - to allow him home in the evening.
Every adult I've ever talked to about this lad has spoken of him with genuine affection. Yes, his behaviour is often disruptive. Yes, he gets into fights and can be outrageously rude. And yes, he sometimes truants. But he has a core of goodness that shines out from him. He's a special kid, with the potential to become an amazing adult. Then you hear the above story and you start to see what's going on behind the bad behaviour. You start to feel it's a miracle this child has hung onto his humanity and isn't a whole lot worse than he is.
Maybe his mother needs support of some kind herself. It's desperately sad to think of the future for this boy if help in some form is not forthcoming. And if something terrible does happen to him on the streets - with him either as victim or perpetrator - will his mother say it wasn't her fault? That no one has the right to tell her how to bring up her own child? And that it was her right to discipline her child in the way she saw fit?
I just don't get it ...

Mast mania

There's a petition going round my kids' primary school against a new mobile phone mast going up nearby. This is one of the new generation of masts that enables mobiles to send videos. It looks like they have the ability to fry brains far more effectively than the ordinary masts (which you can't morally object to if you use a mobile yourself).
Anyway, the point is you'd have to be mad not to agree with the protest and I signed the petition and spoke to the organisers. BUT - I can't help it. I'm irritated! These same kind of masts were put up on the roof of our council block ages ago. Without any consultation. Maybe it came up at a tenants' meeting but since only half a dozen people go to them (out of 96 flats in the 4 blocks) that hardly counts as consultation. The block is within the 'danger zone' of the school and is also opposite another primary school. As soon as I realised they were there, I started putting out feelers to see if I'd have any support in organising a protest. Parents at the other school that I spoke to were uninterested. As for the tenants in the block, the only time we've ever had a petition circulated it was AGAINST having recycling facilities on the estate. 'Cos they make a mess!' Nuff said ...
In the end, I had to let the matter drop and hope eating lots of fruit and veg would ward off the death rays!
Could my lack of success be anything to do with the fact that we're council tenants? But when the masts go up on a middle class street, there's a huge furore. Of course, I support the protest and hope it's successful. But I won't be getting heavily involved. How do I justify trying to protect other people's kids when I couldn't even protect my own?

Rant No. 1

Giant Righteous Rant Re Reviewers or GRRRR!Let’s be clear. This is certainly not a rant against all reviewers. It’s not even a rant against people who give negative reviews. Everyone’s entitled to express their opinion. No – this is a rant against irresponsible reviewers, who bring their own agenda, don’t check their facts, score cheap points and generally abuse their power. Oh, OK. I admit. It’s actually against one particular reviewer, Elena Seymenliyska at the Guardian.

Here’s the review in question.

Trading Tatiana, by Debi Alper (Weidenfeld & Nicolson, £10.99)

Orphaned at 18 (hippy mother under train; father unknown), Jo Cooper is a soft touch for a hard-luck case. She gets by, selling candles at Greenwich market and babysitting for her neighbours in a council high-rise on the Old Kent Road. On a day trip to Brighton, she meets Tatiana, a teenage Ukrainian on the run from a nasty bunch of mullet-haired, leather-jacketed compatriots, and gets embroiled in a story of people-trafficking, prostitution and extortion. Debi Alper's follow-up to Nirvana Bites revisits the south London milieu. While her characters never move beyond stereotype and her plot is as fresh as a car-boot sale, her clunky prose wins the prize for unintentional hilarity: "The brothers had split up and would trap her like an eyebrow hair in tweezers"; "Blythe clung to my hand like a Black and Decker Workmate." To top it all, Alper's blasé attitude to Russian betrays her as a writer who'd appropriate any old cause for effect.
ES

Ouch! We all know that, by their very nature, reviews are subjective. No one has ever written a book that everyone either loves or hates and I defend the right of ES – or anyone else – to dislike my novels. So although I disagree with her literary criticisms I absolutely accept her right to express them (even when she misquotes the text!).

No, what I really object to is the final sentence - Alper's blasé attitude to Russian betrays her as a writer who'd appropriate any old cause for effect – which as far as I’m concerned moves away from literary criticism and into vitriolic personal attack – although I’ve never met the woman and she clearly has done no research into my background.

Is she upset by my attitude to the Russian language? The people? It’s unclear exactly what she has a problem with – apart from the fact that I’ve obviously hit a raw nerve somewhere along the line. Anyone who bothers to check could find out about my political commitment (see the biog on my website). While we’re at it, I should state that my father’s parents were from the Ukraine and my mother’s were from Russia and Bessarabia. But that really isn’t the point.

My objection is to her portraying me as someone who would ‘appropriate’ the suffering of women like Tatiana and Nadia for my own benefit. I was devastated that people who don’t know me would have no reason to reject her analysis. As a new author, with few other national reviews to provide balance, why should anyone disbelieve her version? A new author is such an easy target. I had no means of replying or defending myself. If I wrote to the letters page, all I would succeed in doing is drawing attention to her review. Many people, outraged on my behalf, tried to comfort me on the grounds that:

• at least my book had provoked a strong response·
  
• lots of people don’t read reviews anyway
  
• those that do, often forget the content of the review and just remember the book title.
  

But it didn’t help. Say it loud – these people do have power – and as far as I’m concerned, she abused hers big time. Yes, I know my skin has to thicken. Once you stick your head above the parapet, you have to be prepared for people to chuck things at you. My book had obviously really got to her and in revenge, she attacked me at my most vulnerable spot – the fear that people might think I was exploiting the issues rather than deliberately using my role as a writer to draw attention to them. At least I’ve now had the opportunity to reply. For more balanced reviews, see Trading Tatiana - reviews on my website.

My very first post

Testing ... I'm in a blog panic. A blog fog. A blog nasty neuralgia of the virtuality zone. I'll be better soon ... maybe.
Watch this space ...