Words fail me (and that doesn't happen often)

Rachel has posted about an appalling incident that took place in Leeds the week before Jean Charles de Menezes was killed.

A diabetic man (Nicholas Gaubert) with a low blood sugar (hypoglycemic attack) lost consciousness on a bus.
Armed police were called to the bus depot.
A gun was held to his head.
Luckily (!) unlike Jean Charles the following week, this man was 'only' shot with a Tazer gun - twice.

It was only once he was in the police van that they saw the tag around his neck stating he had diabetes and took him to hospital.

Why has this only come to light now?
Because the Independent (sic) Police Complaints Commission are now handling the investigation after the Crown Prosecution Service has stated that none of the officers involved should be charged with any offense and that no offenses were committed under health and safety laws.

Oh and why did they think this unconscious man slumped on a bus might possibly be such a threat?
They said he looked Egyptian ...

You can see the full story (including a photo) here.

In search of meaning

OK. This is a little odd and I'm not sure what it means - if anything.

Here goes ...

I was tidying the front room earlier and picked up one of First Born's grimy t-shirts ...
... and underneath there was a tarot card!

The Empress.
(This is the exact version.)

Now I do possess an ancient pack of tarot cards, though at this point I don't even know where it is in the flat.
And I have NO IDEA how this particular card got there.

Something similar has happened before when I came across a different (I think) card on the children's bookshelf - again with no idea how it got there.

I know very little about the tarot apart from it having resonances within Kabbalah.
(That's Real Kabbalah - as in Jewish mysticism - not the Hollywood version espoused by the likes of Madonna.)

I Googled The Empress and see words like 'maternal' and 'creative'.
But can anyone help me out here?

What's the significance (assuming there must be some) ...
... of the card itself, as well as the way it suddenly appeared?

Together we are strong

Progress!

It seems the proposal to ban soup runs for homeless people is not going to slip through unchallenged after all.

If it wasn't for the likes of people like all of YOU being alert, aware and unafraid to challenge, I doubt if anyone would even have noticed until it was too late ....

So a big up to everyone who has made their voices heard -
- especially the members of Cheeky Monkey's car club forum who have not just whinged but have got off their butts and shouted at all the right people.

Over a year ago, and on a completely different subject, I published a post that included this quote from philosopher Edmund Burke:
'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men (and women) to do nothing.'

At the end of that post I said this:
I do believe blogging can help, because in the blogosphere we meet people we'd never otherwise encounter. People outside our pack. We can exchange ideas and join debates which, under other circumstances, we wouldn't be exposed to ...
Together we are powerful. Together we can change the world.

Plus ca change ...

Debi and her Dad. Part 9

Happy birthday, Pops

93 today. Tra la la!

Street Wise

'You can't explain what war really is to someone who has never been there, just as you can't explain green to a blind person, or a man can't know what it's like to give birth. They simply don't have the necessary sensory organs. You can't explain or understand war - all you can do is experience it.'

This is a quote from One Soldier's War in Chechnya by Arkady Babchenko as featured in the Independent magazine on Saturday.

My experiences of war (when the US invaded Grenada in 1983) are very different, but I do know exactly what he means with this quote.

I would say the same is true for any major traumas - bereavement, for example.
You have to live it to know it.
'Who feels it, knows it,' Bob Marley once sang.

Or what about homelessness?
Anyone who has never been forced to sleep on the streets - fending for themselves, living with the dangers, the isolation, the scorn of those who cannot know - has a unique experience.

Luckily we have the technology to enable the voices of people who are usually dismissed or ignored to be heard.
We may not know how it really feels to live life on the margins, but we no longer have any excuse for not listening when we are told by those who do know.

I posted here about plans to make soup runs for homeless people illegal.

Almost immediately there was a comment.
Someone calling themselves Homeless Chicken responded angrily, assuming I had no experiences in my own life which would enable me to understand the complexities of life on the streets.

It would have been so easy for us to be polarised.
HC could have dismissed me as a patronising liberal do-gooder and I could have taken a smug and superior stance that would have placed each of us firmly on opposite sides of the barricades.

Instead we began a dialogue based on mutual respect.

You see, I wanted to hear what HC had to say and felt it was crucial to hear his or her voice.
I wanted others to hear too and was glad that my blog gave HC a platform for their words.

I don't know this Chicken.
Until recently I didn't even know his or her gender (I now know you are a woman, HC.)
Anyone reading her comments may have had an picture in their mind and I'll bet that image was of a white guy in his 20s or 30s - probably a drug user.

But I posted here last year about Emily - a Jamaican Big Issue seller in her 80s.
There is no homeless stereotype, only homeless PEOPLE.

In case you haven't been following HC's comments on the original post, here are some of the things she has said that we really should be listening to.

HC on survival of the fittest
... the first rule when using soup runs in London,is GRAB NOT,GET NOT..by this i mean its the strongest who survive,some people get loads of stuff, some nothing at all,there are many times,the run runs out of soup,bread,sandwiches,tea,coffee,clothes,and mentioning clothes, you be surprised the amount of people who grab clothes,only to sell on their market stall the next day,this causes lots of friction,we call them the plastic homeless,they look the the part, but are not..as you say homelessness comes in many shapes and forms, and their are lots of impostors as well. 6.43pm Nov 3rd

HC on donated food
the food which is given out at "HANDOUTS" which are called soup run,s,we see lots of stuff, coming out big supermarkets,surplus,end of sale date,etc..and is given to us free..
Should be a homeless hostel resident,okay housing benefit pays rent etc, but breakfast, dinner, if your lucky,and evening meal you have to pay for out of your benefit noney,there is a organisation called Fairshare, that collects,and delivers, free food as they call it, to hostels,and daycentres we use ... you have to pay for it, its not free! nominal charge its called,explotation i call it,these are so called Charitys for the homeless,Dont give your money to a begger, give it to a charity for the homeless,
Makes you kind of think don,t it
and as a footnote to that im not street begger,or charity fundraiser either,just homeless, but not braindead
6.45pm Nov 4th

HC on staying in touch with your own humanity
At this moment in time,have just left lincon,s inn fields,in central london,Handout at 7.30 [soup run] which was supllied by the Ba Ba people from a temple in Kensington,meal consisted or rice,and chicken stew,a banana,club biscuit,and tea,or coffee from many flasks,very soon afterwards came the Hari Krisna Handout,rice again,and veggie meal,orange juice,there may be one or two more yet to arrive .... the soup runs not only feed people its also a meeting place to keep up with the street politics ... There is a soup run that comes out early every morning to us called the Simon community..tea, sandwiches,and they only go to people people like myself,living on the streets,at least there ain,t no pushing,and shoving,caucse we respect each other,All in the same Boat..
just thoughts during day got lots of time to think,if nothing else. 8.39pm Nov 5th

HC on life
when i started in the b log disscussion i was staying at a freinds place i knew,but he wanted his privacy back,so okay will leave,been on streets before ,do it again,no problem ! wish i could say "Life is a Adventure "depend i think which angle you are looking from, Alice in the Looking Glass?
8.58pm Nov 5th

HC on hostels
many people including myself are around, or living more than one homeless label,in a week... the number of times the comment has been passed to me,"you should be grateful what you get",and this from a paid homeless sector worker,as if they are doing me a big favour, plus within hostels there are quite a few workers who are bullys to people who are a homeless resident in hostel, the reason 2 fold 1. you a not a tennant, you sign a licence when you go into a homeless hostel,which means you sign your rights away..2.you complain about anything,they have the ultiminate deterent," THERES THE DOOR DONT COME BACK" sorry bit of a rant there, been there got the tee shirt..and dont forget the average hostel in london charges £300 a week, admittitley housing benefit pays this,but there are many services in a hostel,you dont,or may not want to use..
9.02pm Nov 6th

HC on true words
Homelessness is the most extreme manifestation of poverty...
only words, but so True!
8.39pm Nov 7th

HC on causes
Root causes,as many and as varied as people,over the years ,that i have been homeless,i have never met two people,who fell into the abyss the same,yes of course we talk to each other,on the streets,we are wearing the same label..but you have to be careful what you say,and the way you say it,if you give away a weakness in yourself,some my use this as a lever against you,self-preseversation thats what it boils down to, can make you very insular,and inward looking,live from moment to moment,day to day,no forward looking or planning..Roots, causes, of homelessness/prevention..how can you plan a cure?of a event? before it has even happened..
7.50pm Nov 8th

HC on labels
There some red faces around today,the people like myself, who spent the night "OUT" the red face because of the cold wind,took a while to get moving at 6am this morning... found a sandwich shop that puts its leftovers out just after five,and being friday,there is more than i can eat,so have put bag in a safe place,and share with others later... Issues; labels, labels ,labels where does it stop.There is plenty of crossover,and looking at one issue,means you can miss others more relevant to the person... people on the streets with mental health problems,there are a couple of people i have got to know, NO WAY should they be on the streets..just hope they are found soon by outreach workers ,and helped..which just goes to show Care in the Community,social policy lets down a lot of people,we need more dooers, not talkers,
8.48pm Nov 9th

HC on so-called experts
we are never really asked what we would like,at times this can come across as very,condesending,and patronising,example: They has been many surveys conducted about homelessness,i have been in a couple,was given a five pound reward? for taking part,Classic both times,first question,whats your name,date of bith, its comes across as authority,and we do not need to go down that road do we,
strait away its them and us..so give them lots of false answers,cause they dont know any better,and as a woman on the streets,you have to protect yourself,there is a invisable circle around me, and you "DONT" come inside, unless i invite you... why do i use IT cafe,s, cheap,warm, and best of all,treated the same as anyone else,and most importantly of all allows me to express my thoughts,as a person..being homeless is transitional,not a characteristic
7.44pm Nov 11th

HC on Xmas
start of christmas run up,party on the streets,xmas food laid on, big smiling faces,from volunteers,if your lucky, a director from the charity involved will be there,with a photographer,to get his picture taken for the annual yearly report..
"Life is an adventure
Life is like a good book
There are many chapters
10.12pm Nov 11th

I wish it was possible for you to have your own blog, HC, but grabbing sessions in internet cafes is hard, I know.

Meanwhile I'm more than happy for you to use my blog as a platform to ensure your voice is heard.

Take care, stay safe and I hope there's a bright future waiting for you around the next corner.

Debi and her Dad. Part 8

THUMBS

A big THUMBS UP to:

Dr TG at Barnet Hospital

• He's seeing dad regularly
• Transport is arranged automatically each time
  
• He's monitoring dad's condition and tweaking his medication accordingly
• He phones me whenever he has dad with him
  
• We discuss progress and agree together on the best way to proceed
• He listens to what I have to say and treats me with respect so that it's clear we both have the same aims ie what is best for dad
• He has a gorgeous voice

A big THUMBS DOWN to:


Dad's crap GP practice

• Who have excelled themselves in terms of utter crapness. More of this to follow.
  

Wonder woman!

Natalie d'Arbeloff who blogs at Blaugustine, is a fellow Bookarazzi bod and is the author of this utterly delicious book whose launch I went to a while back, has some amazing news.

She's won the Mary Stott prize competition, which means she will be ...

... editor of Guardian Women for a week some time next year!

Way to go, Natalie!

I'm a Power Queen

It must be true, cos Minx says so.

It doesn't mean I can change a plug (though I can).
Or that I'm ruler of all that I survey (cos I ain't).

Apparently it means I've been awarded a roar for powerful words.
A pink lion, no less, from the Shameless Lions.

So now I have to come up with 3 things I deem essential for powerful writing:

1. Trust your instincts - even when your rational self says they're leading in you in a weird direction.
2. Learn to distinguish between your inner critic and your inner editor. (See here.)
3. You have to care about what you are creating - write from the heart, not from some idea of what might be commercially viable.

So - now I have to nominate 5 other recipients for a pink roar:

Dina Rabinovitch - whose powerful words will live on even though she's no longer able to acknowledge the award.
Absolute Vanilla - who's never afraid to speak her mind.
Rachel North - an inspiration who's been missed during her recent break from blogging but who is triumph-over-adversity incarnate and is back with an articulate argument on behalf of thinking bloggers and writers everywhere.
Sharon J - ditto re the triumph bit.
Zinnia Cyclamen - who's one of my favourite people at the moment and who gives us a window into the life of a funeral celebrant. And you can't get much more powerful than that, can you?

A Half Life ... A Whole Book ...

I have to admit I was nervous.
'What happens when an average nuclear family is hit by a one megaton bombshell?' it says on the cover.
'What happens when an average blogging author receives a book written by someone she cares about?' I wanted to reply.
'What do I do or say if I don't like it?'

Well thank goodness my fears proved unfounded.
A Half Life of One by Bill Liversidge is a taut and chilling story about a man caught in a deadly trap of his own making, set in a vividly-drawn frozen Scottish landscape.

Nick Dowty is depressed, self-pitying and lacking in any ability to empathise with others. His abrupt mood swings launch him from the depths of despair to euphoric heights - often with no justification outside his own twisted mindset.

He's a man who has completely lost touch with all that is truly important - the simple pleasures derived from companionship and shared lives. Instead he has been sucked into a homegrown version of the American dream, where he believes his worth can only be measured in terms of financial wealth, material possessions and the status accorded by running a successful business.

When the dream turns rancid, his world falls apart. He can no longer hear his long-suffering wife when she says they were happiest when they first met and had nothing, but instead is convinced that his ambitions are selfless and revolve around his desire to look after his family.

As he gradually unravels, his desperation leads to the utter disintegration of his moral framework, with appalling results.

I wondered what had happened in Nick's past to lead him to such extremes and was concerned Bill might not give his readers this information, resulting in us having difficulty believing in - or caring about - his main character. I needn't have worried. Bill finally tells us what we need to know in the closing pages of the book - a clever device.

Bill has self-published A Half Life of One - a decision I know he didn't take lightly and which I wholeheartedly support. Therein lies my only real criticism. For a self-published book to be given the serious attention it deserves, the quality has to be on a par with any book published by traditional means.

In other words, there has to be an editing process. Simple errors that would have been picked up by a copy editor or proof reader prevent the book from being the best it could possibly be.

More seriously than the typos and repetitions, there are a few continuity errors (the kidnap victim blowing her nose when her hands are tied behind her back; Nick saying he heard her voice for the first time when she had already spoken several times on the previous page ...) that any decent editor would have picked up on.

This may seem churlish and petty. After all, the major concerns of an editor - plot, characterisation, structure, style - raise no fundamental problems. Maybe that's why I was even more aware of some of these smaller details.

That reservation aside I'm delighted (and relieved!) to say I heartily recommend this book. It is indeed an 'easy but dangerous read' as the cover warns us.

I'd add that Nick Dowty is such a well-written and credible character, and so convincing, that I worry the police may come knocking on Bill's door some day soon!

Somebody loves me ...

I've realised it's been a long time since I posted about what's happening with my own writing.

Truth is, my current book - the 5th in the Nirvana series - has taken longer than any of the others for a complex set of reasons.

What I needed was a boost.
Something to reassure me that I'm not wasting time with my creations.
That there are people out there who care about my characters and want to see more of them.

And - hey - thank you, life, because yesterday I received a wonderful email from fellow blogger and Bookarazzi pal, Zinnia Cyclamen.

I read Nirvana Bites on Wednesday evening, and Trading Tatiana this afternoon. (Er, yes, quick reader.) And now I want to read the next two! I loved them both ... because they're damn good books. I thought the characters were original and delightful. I like the way you don't make heavy weather out of their damagedness, but weave it into the story as and when it's relevant to what's going on, rather than beating the reader over the head with it. I loved some of the cameos like the Rasta guy in Trading Tatiana.

Trading Tatiana seemed, and I hope you don't mind me saying this, more accomplished than Nirvana Bites; more as if you knew what you were about. (Although I did really like Nirvana Bites too, honest - and I love the energy and the humour and the humanity in both books.) And, again, although I learned a lot about human trafficking, I didn't feel as if you were beating me around the head with the Issues, but telling me a very human story.

I really liked the way you made Trading Tatiana a kind of sequel that wasn't entirely a sequel, with a different main character and, initially, a different setting. I was interested to see how you dealt with backstory from Nirvana Bites so that Trading Tatiana could be read as a book in its own right but also worked as a sequel. You made it look easy. I bet it wasn't! But for me as a reader, it worked really well.

So, anyway, thanks for writing them!

Right! I'm on the home run of the 1st draft of The Gene Pool now and it's whispering insistently in my ear again.
Thanks for giving me such a well-timed and motivating kick up the rear, Zinnia!

Peckham - the centre of the literary universe

Just look at what I've stumbled on.

Peckham. Gangs; council estates; the odd drive-by shooting. Oh, and Del-Boy – let’s not forget Del-Boy.

And then more recently an award-winning upside-down library, and some very fetching rusty bollards. Regeneration.

Hmmm. If that’s what you think, then you’re awfully out of date. The cognoscenti know better (‘cos by definition that’s what cognoscenti do). Peckham really is Britain’s number one creative hotspot, with artists’ colonies breaking out all over the place, heaving with thesps and musicians, and of course writers.

And it is these latter that this festival is all about – from the authors and poets who live in the area currently, to those who have drawn inspiration from the area in some way over the centuries. Actually, it is about any old literature, so long as it is good. It is a celebration of books and words and Peckham, all rolled into one.

I wish I'd known about it earlier.
As an author whose books are all set in Peckham, this festival is right up my street in more ways than three.

The eclectic list of events, ensures there will be something for everyone.
The festival runs from 14-18 November.
See you there?

URGENT! INSANITY ALERT! ACT NOW!

I've just received a vital email (lucky this one got through) alerting me to this.

Scroll down past the items about litter, chewing gum and public toilets and go to page 14.

It is proposed to prohibit the distribution of free refreshments on land designated by a London borough council. It would also be an offence to cause another person to distribute such refreshments. To be designated, land would have to be in the open air, and open to public access. Unlawful distribution of free food would be an offence, and would be liable on summary conviction to a fine not exceeding level 4 on the standard scale. Exemptions would be included, for example, the distribution of refreshments to people taking part in sporting events or giving out free samples outside retail premises. Comments are welcome on the proposal to prohibit the distribution of free refreshments in designated areas.

In case you're having any problems getting to grips with the meaning behind this bureaucratic blurb, they're talking about banning soup kitchens for homeless people!

The deadline for registering comments is TODAY!

Please, please, please email oliver.hatch@londoncouncils.gov.uk

You can use this template below or create an email of your own.

Dear Oliver,

I'm writing concerning the proposal to restrict the distribution of 'free refreshments' as contained in the "Proposals for a tenth (London Local Authorities) Bill" for Deposit in November 2007.

I am concerned by the lack of recognition of the important role that organisations wishing to assist the homeless have. In addition to the premises-based services on offer to homeless people, such 'refreshments' or 'soup-kitchens' provide an essential supplementary service to homeless and destitute individuals. Soup kitchens enable distribution of food without expensive overheads.

I would urge London Councils to completely drop this proposed legislation, or to substantially modify it to allow services to continue without causing undue disturbance to nearby premises.

[Suggest your own solution - e.g. a license.]

[Give your own story about how you may have helped homeless people, or about people you know who help]

I look forward to your response. I can be contacted on the details below.

Yours sincerely,

[your name]

[your address]

I am here. Honestly.

Doh!
Am I the only one who has these stupid problems with my emails?

I've just received one from someone concerned that I hadn't replied to their previous one a couple of weeks ago.

But I did!
It's in my sent items list.
And it didn't bounce back.

So does this explain why I haven't had any response to various urgent emails I've sent recently?
Did they not get through?
Or did the replies to me not get through?

How come I never seem to have problems receiving spam? Over 50 items a day of the stuff?

Bloody bloody bloody techy stupidity.

UPDATE: And now bloody Blogger won't let me play either! I've just wasted an entire morning trying to comment on other people's blogs - without success. Doh and double doh!

Some of FB's gorgeous friends

Debi and her Dad. Part 7

I seem to have spread quite a bit of doom and gloom about the NHS with this series of posts.

But in essence - and compared to countries where the equivalent doesn't exist at all - it's a wonderful service and one we should never give up on, but must fight to maintain.

You see, sometimes things go RIGHT!
And it's nearly always down to the hard-working and committed people working within the system.

Yesterday dad went for his appointment to have a 24 hour tape fitted to monitor his heart.
Having failed to speak to anyone in Cardiology, I gave him a letter to take with him.
Early afternoon, I received a phone call from the Cardio Dept.
A very helpful woman told me the tape had been organised as a result of his recent falls.
She explained the procedure to me and said the tape could be removed a day later and a courier would call to collect it, to save dad having to come back to the hospital.

At 5.45 his carer called saying she could get no reply from dad's flat which was in darkness.
I phoned Patient Transport (heart racing a little) but no one answered.
I tried Cardio (heart a-flutter now) assuming there would be no chance of getting through.

Instead, a Real Live Human Being answered!
She called Transport herself and, when there was no reply, she sent a colleague round in person to check what time dad had been collected.
Meanwhile, she regularly came back to the phone to apologise for keeping me hanging on.
Finally she said there was no one in the Transport Dept but maybe the traffic was bad ...
She asked me to call her back to let her know what was going on.

Having no idea what else to try, I phoned dad (heart thudding).
And guess what - he answered, sounding chirpy and energetic!
Presumably he hadn't heard the doorbell ...

I said I'd be round the next day to deal with the tape.
'Tape? What tape?'
'The one on your chest!'
'Eh? There's nothing on my chest ... Apart from some hair. There's something in my pocket though ...'
'Oh. Right.' (Heart sinking.) 'Well don't worry. I'll come tomorrow and we can sort it out then.'
'You're coming tomorrow? Oh. Hang on. There's something stuck on my chest ...'

I call Cardio back to tell them I've tracked dad down and all is well.
'Oh, thank G-d!' the woman breathed.

You see?
She really cared.
Like the woman who had called earlier, spoke to me in a way that was both clear and helpful and organised the courier.
And the carer who was concerned enough to call and alert me to a possible problem.

What a difference people who care can make ...

Very very sad news

I had all sorts of plans today including a few light hearted posts.

But that's all changed now.

I frequently check Dina's blog and though I have a lot on today something drew me there first thing.

The last post - on October 23rd - was, in typical Dina style, a picture of a gorgeous hat.

But then I checked the comments and found that Dina died on Monday night.

You don't need my words to tell you about Dina.
Read her own - in her blog and her book and her regular Guardian column.
And, if you feel so inclined, donate to the charity appeal in her name.

Minx and the Merkans

Look out, US of A!

Dorcas is coming to your shores.
Break out the purple bunting ...

A Message - Just for You (and you and you ...)

That clever Sarah Salway, together with fellow writer, Lynne Rees, has come up with a new lit blog project involving messages, a blog, a book, a charity, November, tenuous connections and the number 300.

Whether you would like to be directly involved - or prefer to watch from the sidelines - go here to check out Your Messages.

How to Silence Your Inner Critic

If you've ever put pen to paper or fingertip to keyboard to create something new from your own imagination, you'll know who I mean by the 'Inner Critic'.

It's the one who sits on your shoulder and whispers insidiously in your ear, sapping your energy and draining your confidence.

'You can't do this,' it says.
'Why are you bothering?
You'll never get anywhere.
You're doomed to failure.
And quite rightly so - you're crap.'

Sometimes you get on a roll and can manage to push it into the background -
- but inevitably the time comes when it's back, dripping with malice.

It may surprise you to know that just about every writer - published or unpublished, bestseller or midlister - has one of these spiteful demons challenging their urge to create.

In the BloggersWithBookDeals Forum there was a discussion recently about this phenomenon.
Realising the problem to be universal, but our responses to it to be personal, we thought we'd share the conversation by posting it on Bookarazzi.

You can follow the thread here.

While you're there, you might want to check out the other fab new material on the site, including a new Tips for Writers section.
Oh and there's another post about procrastination (the thief of time) just gone up.

The Fall Guy

Ouch! Ooof! Splat!

I just fell over in the street.
You know how it goes - it looks spectacular enough to send a woman scurrying over to see if I'm ok but all I'm worried about is looking like a twat.

So of course I struggle to my feet, assure her I'm fine, and hide the bleeding palms and bruised knees.

But what I want to know is - at what point do you stop 'falling over' and start 'having a fall'?