Sunday, May 21, 2006

Now I've gone and done it ...

Last July I took a 1 year unpaid sabbatical from the part time finance job I'd done for the previous 7 years. I was going to concentrate on my writing.
The months have raced past and now it's decision time.
Do I go back?
The answer would appear to be obvious given that:
- I haven't been offered a new book deal (yet)
- We've only done a couple of photography jobs so far this year
- G lost his job (circumstances beyond our control) and is currently only working 2 days a week.
So we got together with the kids to talk about it.
And guess what. I ain't going back!
Is this a leap of faith? Some kind of positive visualisation? Or an indication of collective family insanity?
You'd be forgiven for assuming the last to be true, but for me/us this is the only possible sane decision.
I seem to have arrived at a space in my life when I can't visualise being able to work anywhere and for anyone. Ever. Don't get me wrong. I'm not lazy. It's just that I can no longer handle compromising on my autonomy. I feel this so strongly that in the last year or so that I was working every fibre of my being screamed out that I was doing something fundamentally WRONG! It was a good organisation with some wonderful people. If I can't hack it there ...
Part of what's given me the courage to take this step is ... wait for it ... YOU, my fellow blogsters. I feel as though we're riding the wave of something very exciting and packed with who-knows-what potential. I can't bear the thought of not having time to spend writing and blogging.
Up 'til last July, I juggled parenthood with working 3 days a week, doing wedding photography at weekends and writing my first 3.5 novels in the evenings.
I'm not sure if I could go back to that.
I know I don't want to.
Following on from Skint's post and all the ensuing debate, I think I know now why blogging's so important to me. Have you noticed how it changes as more people are drawn in? It's like interactive collectively-controlled journalism. With group hugs. An alternative community. I love it!
A (now ex-) colleague said I've got balls the size of breasts when he heard my decision to leave. (The opposite would be more accurate.)
Let's just hope I don't get kicked in them!

7 comments:

Maxine said...

Yeah!!! Well done you!!
I wish I had your courage.
Great post and great decision. Completely with you on it all, especially the company of bloggers part but all the rest as well.
I am sure that your decision will enable you to bloom and develop much faster, you have made such a fantastic go of it so far, having 2 novels published already, I am sure it will keep on happening.
Congratulations again.
Maybe you could get Minx to make you a chocolate cake with cherries to celebrate?

skint writer said...

Way to go debi. I've virtually given up working for others and I haven't even got a novel published.

I remember telling a friend how much I admired him for being so strong and holding the same job down for years.

"Uh," he said, "what do you mean? It's work innit. What else am I going to do?"

Who wants to identify with that sentiment.

roger said...

Congratulations on such a momentous decision. I'm sure you won't regret it. I've managed to get my work thing down to three days a week, but even that is starting to feel like it gets in the way.

You go for it!

Debi said...

Thanks for the support, fellow members of the Bloggerati.
Skint - people often told me how amazing it was that I managed to juggle all the disparate threads of my life.
I came to the realisation it wasn't amazing and it wasn't clever!

Minx said...

Cake's in the oven!
Smart decision Debi. If I could see a way around the family not living off Tesco blue stripe beans I would be dropping my spinning plates and joining you.

ISLAND MONKEY said...

Welcome to the bohosphere..

Debi said...

Minx - Tesco blue stripe beans? Luxury ...
Island Monkey - I never really left - it was a weird 7 yr abberation. Now thankfully recognised and corrected.